Happy Thanksgiving

This is a difficult blog post to write; especially on a day like today. I am so thankful for so many things that it is truly impossible to write everything out. Most of all, I am thankful for a few things that I think matter to me a lot. First, I am so grateful that I have great health. Without being healthy, life is difficult. So, for that I truly feel thankful. To celebrate that fact, I ran in a 10K Turkey Trot this morning. It was fun, and I think it has some symbolism, for me anyway. Secondly, I am thankful for my friends, for without them, I don’t know how I would get through life. Friends make life full and fun. And, without friends, I would have nowhere to celebrate Thanksgiving. I would likely be at a diner somewhere having an open faced turkey sandwich smothered in gravy. Not so bad, I guess. But, I’d rather be with friends watching football and eating homemade food. Thirdly, I am grateful and thankful for my family. However, this Thanksgiving, we are one person short. On November 7, 2011, my mom finally lost her life to cancer.

She battled breast cancer for 15 years. And, she won! Breast cancer isn’t what finally got her, it was a totally different type of cancer that she developed in her abdomen. By the time they figured it out, it was too late and nothing could be done.

She was an amazing person with an amazing spirit. I don’t know if there is anyone in the world as strong as her. She was a fighter.

I remember when her and my dad split up, I was about 8 years old, my sister was 4. She was 24. She had no car, no drivers license, had never worked, and had never lived on her own. She really didn’t know how to do anything at all. She was a great mom, wife, and homemaker, but beyond that, she seemed hopeless. When my parents split up, she decided to move to Sacramento. At the time, we were living in Southern California. She had no family in SoCal. Her family was in Sacramento, so it made sense. But, she didn’t have any means of making happen, except, as I said, she is amazingly strong. So, she somehow got us all to Sacramento. We stayed with her mom (my grandma) for maybe a month, as I remember it. In that month, she got a job, a car, a driver’s license, and an apartment. I don’t think she had much assistance either. Her mom did not have money; she was a grocery store cashier. And, I don’t think any other members of the family could help financially. So, she basically did it on her own. Anything she did borrow from her mom, she had to pay back, so she kept that to a minimum.

Overall, we did all right. My dad paid child support, which basically paid the rent, and so whatever income she had, went for food and bills. We had everything we needed, but didn’t have a lot of extras. Christmas and birthdays were where my sister and I would get those extras from all the family members. I would always ask for guitars and musical gadgets to go with the guitars. And, I would pretty much get what I asked for. So, we did OK.

Jumping to the present, when I went to her wake, I was astonished by all the friends that showed up. It was really amazing to talk to all these people. And, it was then that some things really came together for me. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this, but it was like a little “ah ha” moment. I never knew my mom as a person. I only knew her as Mom. But, meeting all her friends, and hearing their stories about her, I started to understand her as a friend – a person away from mom-hood. She has this whole outside life that I really knew nothing about. I did know she went on dives all over the world. And, I knew she went on Harley trips around the USA. And, I knew other stuff she did, but I didn’t know any details and I didn’t know these people at all. She never talked about them much. She would just tell me she went on a Harely ride and that it was really fun. That was it. So, meeting all these people that she had gone on these rides with, and hearing stories about her was an absolute blast. And, as I said, I got to know her better than I knew her while she was alive.

I think it’s OK that I didn’t know my mom as closely as I might have liked. There are probably many people in that same situation. I was thinking about my kids and our relationship. And, they wouldn’t know Jerry hanging out at the bar with his bar-fly friends. They don’t really know that guy at all. So, I think it’s kind of a similar thing. But, I’m sure when it’s my turn to pass on, that my friends will come out and relay stories about me to my kids, and they’ll get a better understanding of the type of person I was, separate from being Dad.

It was a little odd that I was the only blood relative at the wake for my mom. Other family members didn’t attend, and for that, I feel sad for them because they really did miss something special. It was an event that would have been exactly what she wanted. It was a celebration of her life. And, other than a few sad moments, for the most part, it was more celebratory than sad, which is what she told me she wanted. It was beautiful and was such an honor to meet all these other people that had shared moments with her.

If there was anything at all I had learned from her, it was to never give up. She led a full life and just before she died, she told me that she has done everything in life she wanted to do and has no feelings that  she wished she could do anything more, other than to watch her grand-children grow up, which was not possible. So, other than that, she was happy and content. I know for a fact, that I can’t say the same. So, I need to get out there and hit that bucket list. J

So, for this Thanksgiving, while I am thankful for many things, it feels a little empty without Mom. Normally, I am struggling with the question, ‘do I go visit or stay home this year’? I don’t have that option anymore. I think Christmas will probably be empty too, as I will be expecting a big box of gifts for my kids to come to my doorstep from UPS. But, this time, it will not arrive.

Mom, I am thankful and grateful for everything you had done for me. I am going to miss you. This is going to be a difficult holiday without you. I’ll be thinking about you, and toasting to you today. I love you Mom.

Today, for anybody reading this, even after the holiday, make sure that you live your life all the way to the top. Make sure that you tell people that you care about, that you love them. Make sure that you make a difference in the lives of people around you. Don’t waste time worrying or on trivial matters. Be thankful and grateful for everyday that you can breathe. The holidays are not about turkey and presents. They are about celebrating life.

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Not sure what year this was taken, but she was pretty young. I’m guess it was around 1960, so, she would be 11. They used to look so grown up back then.

Me and my mom sometime in 1965. She was 16. She just had me, and look at her figure. Wow!

I don’t know what year this was, but it was in Torrance, CA. So, I’m guess right around 1972 or 73. Beautiful lady.

This is me, my sister in front, my mom, and my cousing to the right. This was taken in July 1977 in Bodega Bay, CA.

This is me and my kids with my mom last year.

And, this was a picture my sister took maybe a month or so ago.